Fogged up
on transitory periods and things that help me make it through them
Lately I have been feeling restless. Stuck in a room with glass walls, breathing air onto the panes… but it’s not enough and so most days I end up sitting around, waiting for the next big thing. Right now I am waiting for the multiple storms announced this week. The theatrics of wind and pouring rain and lightning as so many promises that things will get scary and exciting and enchanting again if only I am patient enough. I don’t know if I’ll get into university, if I’ll get a scholarship, if I’ll find a place to live, if my various medication will keep on working… so much feels uncertain and I feel like I’m floating, unable to come back down and do anything concrete. I keep jotting down nonsensical thoughts in my journal, write down lists of things to furnish my hypothetical flat with, movies I want to watch but am waiting for the right time to see (not right now apparently) and listen to music all day to drown out any uncomfortable thoughts that may arise. I try to learn new languages or ones I used to know but inevitably get discouraged. I mouth Italian words I thought I’d forgotten to myself. I apply perfume to my wrist and breathe in the unfamiliar smell all day to ground myself. I promise myself I will do some yoga before I fall asleep and when it gets dark I am so tired that I just forget about it. Maybe I’ll remember tomorrow. I need to be braver, more patient. I need to move through the fog with grace, instead of cowering and crawling in the dry grass. When my friends ask me to make a wish I don’t know what I should be wishing for. Mostly I wish for them to brush an eyelash off my cheek again.
Things that have accompanied me lately
This perfect album by st etienne… the best pieces of art, for me, are those who allow me to glimpse at another reality, another time, someone else that could be me, so close I could hold it in my hands… this album makes me think about summers at my favorite island off the French Atlantic coast, biking back home with the sun in your eyes and the wind caressing your back
Listen if you’re eagerly awaiting summer
What can I say. This is my first letter and I’m already revealing what I consider to be a major character flaw : my being a Kpop enjoyer. But I will not be shamed because these are great songs and in Kpop that’s pretty rare. Perfectly produced, fun, eerie and cool
Listen if you like pretty girls and having fun
Pajamas
I have recently bought some in an attempt to make my days seem more organized. I like the idea of having rituals, especially during the evening. Shedding my real clothes to step into a warm shower, cover myself in pajamas, quietly brush my teeth and take care of my ever struggling skin, then go to bed and read.. I have been feeling scared and uncertain and silly things such as my new pajamas help me feel soothed and at peace.
Fenne Lily’s new album (as well as her entire discography to be honest) made me impulsively buy tickets to her concert and plan an impromptu weekend in Paris, my hometown… sad and melancholy and comforting, my favs off the album are in my own time, red deer day and half finished. I am pretty sure her tour is still going on so if you’re able to I would really recommend getting tickets because she’s incredible live.
Happy hours by Marlowe Granados
A new addition to my favorite books; hilarious and clever and sophisticated yet silly and very amusing. Perfectly written and extremely entertaining, at once simple and decadent… wish I could read it for the first time again
Oil pastels
I bought some with a friend back in the city and have been drawing with them all the time. Favorite activity at the moment is definitely drawing with them while I listen to new music
Look at my lovely little guys. I am terrible at drawing but that won’t stop me from having fun!
For my next post… I am trying to compile a list (I am just a girl making list that is the whole concept behind this blog) of my all time favorites, spanning every category of Stuff I Enjoy. I will probably forget a lot of things I love and want to share so this will be the first part of a ? parts series.
Xxxx Cosima